This New World Sucks
by SageK
Summary: Written after 4x02 aired.  Warning...If you like Tess, this is not the fic for you!
1. Chapter 1

**Eureka Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just having some fun Summary: Written after episode 4x02 aired. Not for those of you who like Tess!**

When it came to acclimating themselves to this new, altered timeline, Deputy Andy had proved to be an invaluable resource. The robotic deputy seemed to know most everything that was going on in Eureka, as well as an encyclopedic knowledge of town history…and a boundless enthusiasm to share that knowledge.

Thus far, they hadn't had too many major incidents, though Fargo was still adjusting to his new position as head of Global Dynamics, Henry still had very little insight in his marriage to Grace, though he seemed to like her. Allison was steadily freaking Kevin out by smothering him with attention while suddenly getting used to Jenna's live in manny, Michael Fraser. Tess was in the process of moving into Jack's place, which had the Sheriff crawling up the walls and generally trying to avoid home, choosing to spend his time helping set up Grant's new identity. Jo was simply trying to keep some distance from Zane and go about her duties as head of GD security.

Which was how she found herself staring, horrified and sickened into a lab as the two scientists within scrambled for their clothes in a flurry of pale skin, curses and angry eyes.

Tess and Zane, who had been at each other's throats in this time line, had apparently found something they could agree on. Sex. At work. On one of the lab tables.

Maintenance had a special cleaner designed for just such occurrences.

There was not enough brain bleach or Petron in the world to erase that image from her mind and Jo spun, stalking down the hall to her office.

A few minutes later, Tess, flustered and rumpled, burst through the doors. "That wasn't what it looked like!" the scientist exclaimed, then cocked her head to the side. "Okay, maybe it was, but it was a total, spur of the moment accident."

"You turned off the security cameras in the labs on a spur of the moment impulse."

Jo was hurt, mad and betrayed (though she had to hide that, as the Jo from this world had no reason for hurt feelings). But she could be royally pissed on Jack's behalf.

Tess gave her a dark look and said, "Look, everyone makes mistakes and at least no one was hurt…."

"No one was hurt?" Jo was unable to hold back an outburst. "Did you really just have the balls to say that?"

"What is your problem, Lupo?" Tess asked, her own ire rising.

It wasn't like Jo could say 'Gee, I was in love with Zane, but a wacky time travel adventure sent the world to hell and screwed up my life.' Instead, she just sputtered, "Carter."

That seemed to wrong foot Tess slightly. "He never has to know."

Okay, Jo really didn't like this world's version of Tess. Bitch. "If you don't tell him, I will."

Tess smirked. "Oh please, who do you think he'll believe, me, the woman he loves, or you, his ex-coworker…who he has admittedly been spending a lot of time with lately. Are you sleeping with Jack?"

Almost unable to believe Tess's sheer nerve, Jo offered the woman another disgusted look before shouldering her way past.

She needed some air.

And possibly the ear of the local sheriff.

Swinging through Carpe Diem, Jo picked up lunch, turkey and Swiss on white bread and a pickle for Jack and pulled venison on a pita with rosemary and mint for her. Bottles of iced tea for both of them.

She entered the sheriff's station, basking in the familiar atmosphere. Andy was out of the office, off doing…well, doing her job. Answering a call or something.

Carter was scowling down at a stack of paperwork on his desk. With all the electronic data pads at GD, it was nice to see actual tree pulp paper (though it was recycled, as were all paper products in Eureka). He looked up when he heard her arrival and a smile creased his face.

"Hey, Jo," he greeted her, eyes ticking to the take out bag in her hand. "If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."

Jo cocked an eyebrow at him. "S.A.R.A.H. on an X-Files kick again?"

He nodded, then chuckled when she pulled the aforementioned iced tea and passed it to him with his sandwich. "She somehow never plays the one where the sentient, computerized office building goes on a killing spree."

"I never liked that one." Jo dropped into the chair opposite him and spread out her own lunch.

Carter took a bite of his turkey and Swiss, nodding as he swallowed and agreed. "It wasn't one of the better episodes."

Picking at her lunch, Jo couldn't call up much of an appetite, still shaken by what she'd seen and unsure how to broach the topics. She knew Carter and Tess had broken up before the time shift, but still…this was something that would hurt.

"What's wrong?"

Sometimes, it was a pain in the ass that he was the intuitive one. Good with feelings and reading people. True, it was part of what made him a good cop, but it also made it difficult to hide things from him. It would be so much easier if he was an emotional moron, like most men.

Jo let out a huff (not a sigh. Never a sigh) and let her pita drop onto the wrapper. "I saw something…unpleasant today at GD."

"Ah. Did Larry have another run in with the defabricator?"

That had been both disturbing and highly amusing and Jo wished that was the case. "No."

"Someone invent a body switching ray and Fargo's brain ended up in one of the test monkeys and the monkey brain is in his body?"

"No!" This was not the time to be laughing, so she cut off any more outlandish guesses by saying, "I noticed the security cameras in Zane's lab weren't working, so I went down to check them and I found…he was there with Tess."

It only took him a moment to figure out what she wasn't saying and he blinked as it sank in. "Oh…oh…I…have no idea how to react to this."

"I know, right!" Jo burst, letting out a flow of emotion when faced with the one person who might have some idea how she was feeling. And she said just that. "I feel all these things that no one knows I should be feeling and I really want to punch them both in the throat, but that wouldn't help. Much."

Carter nodded. "And I should be more angry and upset when, honestly, I'm a bit relieved to have a reason to end things with Tess…and that makes me feel like such a bad person."

They exchanged commiserating looks, then, in unison, muttered, "This time line sucks."

"S.A.R.A.H., is Jack home?"

It was well after 6pm when Dr. Tess Fontana strolled into the high tech bunker she was in the process of moving her belongings into. Her significant other had lived in the automated house since his arrival in Eureka some years ago. Jack was a good guy handsome, sweet, charming, hard working…if not exactly intellectually challenging.

It was hard to find a guy that fit her idea of the ideal man. In fact, it usually seemed to be an either or situation. Either she liked a guy or he was intellectually stimulating…which could be stimulating in so many other ways.

"Yes, Dr. Fontana."

S.A.R.A.H.'s voice sounded oddly sharp and irritated. That did not bode well for her.

There were soft thumps on the stairs and Jack, dressed in Jeans and a t-shirt, off duty for the night, descended, a small carry all in his hand. "Hey," he said tightly and, from the look on his face, she knew he knew. "I'm going to crash in Jo's spare room until you can get your things moved back to your place."

Tess was shocked. He wasn't trying to reason with her or work things out and make it all better…or even screaming and shouting. True, he did not look happy with her, but he was calm. She'd expected him to be distraught.

Actually, she'd thought he would have shown up at GD (when she realized Lupo had lit out of the place after witnessing Tess's little…indiscretion, Tess figured the security chief had run off to tell Jack), angry and hurt, maybe he'd even throw a punch at Zane for touching her.

This whole calm, rational approach was not what she expected at all.

"Are you sleeping with her?" Tess demanded angrily. Over the past week or so, Jack had been spending an odd amount of time with his former co-worker. At the time, she hadn't paid much attention to that fact, just concentrated on her impending move.

Jack's face darkened noticeably and Tess realized she might have stepped over a line. "You don't get to pretend that you're the offended party here! You're the one who had an affair. You!"

Tossing her hands into the air, she took a step towards Jack, who was inching steadily towards the door. "Look, it was a mistake. A one time, last hurrah sort of a thing. It was nothing. We can get past this."

"No." His voice was firm and his blue eyes, once so happy and warm, looked a little disgusted but mostly sad. "Andy said he'd help if you needed any help with your boxes. Guess it's a good thing your lease wasn't up for another month."

With that, Jack stepped to the door, pausing to say, "I'll be back soon, S.A.R.A.H."

"I will keep you appraised of progress here," the synthesized voice said warmly and allowed Jack to exit quickly.

Standing in the center of the living room, Tess felt a stab of regret and sank down onto the couch with a deep sigh.

After a moment, S.A.R.A.H. asked, "Would you like any help removing your belongings, Dr. Fontana."

If she said yes, Tess was sure most of her things would find their way into either the lake or an incinerator. Possibly both. S.A.R.A.H. was a disturbingly protective of Jack. This was just her way of saying, 'Move your ass! I want my sheriff back!'.

"No, S.A.R.A.H., I'll do it myself."

"Fine."

Great. The house was pissed at her and her boyfriend dumped her over a tiny lapse in judgment. Not the best day ever.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

"I liked the new movie, but you can't beat the classics."

"Nope," Jo agreed, settling back onto the couch and propping her feet up on the edge of the coffee table. Carter was at the other end of the long sofa, each of them with a beer in hand as they watched the end credits of a TMC showing of Hound of the Baskervilles.

Sherlock Holmes kicked ass.

Literally, in the case of Robert Downey Jr.'s interpretation of the seminal deductive genius, but some of the steam punk d world destroying devices in his movie hit a little too close to home.

Jack continued to ramble and Jo wondered when the sound of his voice saying something of no merit at all had become comforting. "Though I think it's gonna be a while before I can enjoy Casablanca again."

Another idea Jo could support. The whole feel of that film struck a little too close to the part of 1947 Eureka they had seen on their jaunt through time. The jaunt that had changed all their lives.

At least Allison seemed to be truly enjoying this world, mothering an increasingly wierded out Kevin to the point that it was getting sickening. Also, the live in manny she'd hired was F.I.N.E.- fine. Broad shoulders, blue eyes, dark hair, dimples…none of the other mannys in town looked like the ex-college athlete Mike Fraser was.

Sometimes, Jo had to wonder about Allison's luck. Sure, she was a beautiful woman, but it seemed uncanny that she practically had to chase away gorgeous men with a stick after they fell into her lap. Uncanny and unfair.

Staring into her beer, Jo thought perhaps the booze was making her melancholy. She didn't get to wallow in the unhappy end of her brain for long, as Jack randomly bumped her feet with his own. Looking over at him, she asked, "What?"

"You have blue toe nail polish on, Josephina." He was smiling and she wondered if he might have gotten a head start on his beer intake before he got to her house.

She lifted one foot slightly, flexing it to consider the neatly kept foot. "I like blue," she eventually concluded, placing her foot back beside his then giggling. "You have monkey toes!"

"I do," Jack agreed easily enough. "Zoë hates it when I pick things up with them."

Jo watched as he stretched those long, nimble toes and she frowned. "Seems like a waste of an ability not to use them."

"Thank you," he replied happily, then nodded t the TV. "Casino Royale's up next."

"Best Bond since Connery," Jo declared. "Daniel Craig looks like he could take a punch."

"Plus he plays the role with that vaguely sociopath edge I'd expect a professional assassin to have," Jack agreed. "Even Zoë liked this movie."

Snorting into her beer, Jo said, "Not for the same reasons you do."

Jack used the neck of his bottle to point at her as he declared, "I'm gonna pretend you did not say that."

With a giggle, Jo remembered exactly why she usually avoided beer. It made her giggly as well as morose. And how the hell did that even work? "Oh, come on, Jack. She's 17, living across the country in the same city as her boyfriend…."

Even drunk, Jack moved pretty quickly, lunging across the distance between them to place his hand over her mouth and prevent the rest f her thought from escaping her mouth. He hovered over her as she laughed into his hand and intoned, "If you don't say it, I can continue to live in denial…until I die."

Jo giggled harder and was struck by an impish impulse. Opening her mouth, she licked a broad stripe across his palm, expecting him to jerk his hand away.

With a snort of his own, Jack said, "I'm a dad. I've been bitten, licked and had all manner of nasty bodily fluids spewed all over me. I'm impervious to the saliva offensive."

New tactic. Bringing her hands up to Jack's side, she let her nimble fingers dance along his ribs. That got the desired reaction. He howled and pulled away from her, trying to escape her creeping fingers, but she gave chase, on hand scrambling up under the blue cotton of his t-shirt for better access.

"You win! You win!" he gasped, clearly able to admit defeat in this instance.

She considered his surrender for a moment, then grinned and said, "That'd be too easy!"

He tried to wriggle away from her assault, slithering from the couch onto the chair but she maintained her pursuit, tumbling after him, landing on his thighs in an attempt to pin him down.

It didn't occur to her that he'd respond in kind. Jack's longer reach allowed him to reach her sides one moment, then the back of her knee the next and suddenly he was tickling behind her ear with the gentlest touch.

Clearly, they were dealing with their respectively fucked up situations in their own, odd way. Of all the people in town, Carter was probably the only one (besides her timeline's Zane) she had frequent physical contact with and that was during hand to hand training (Or, as Carter called it, Let Jo Toss Me Around The Gym Time) and she still wasn't generally comfortable with too much touching. Carter was the more tactile one, not in the creepy way some guys could be, but in a genuinely warm way.

But things like hurt, betrayal, longing, confusion and pain, those they tucked away as best they could. Buried them beneath the surface until they couldn't bear it and something leaked out and they had to reach out.

Giggling and tickling was not something they did, but they could take some solace in having a brief connection, a comfort, without having to delve into messy, messy feelings.

Kind of like being caught in a nooggie by one of her older brothers but without the underlying plotting of revenge. Though a strictly reptilian part of her awareness appreciated pressing close to Jack's lean but strong form. It was purely visceral reaction, enhanced by stress, she knew…just as she knew she was over-thinking things. What was he point of drinking if her brain wouldn't relax.

"Um…Jo? You okay down there?"

Giving herself a mental shake, Jo realized she wasn't tickling Carter into submission any more, just pinning him to the floor, her cheek pressed against his chest. Nothing untoward…just a teensy bit awkward. Not raising her face, she simply said, "Yep. About as okay as can be expected."

Carter's big hands came to rest on her back, patting gently as he sighed, causing Jo to rise and fall slightly with the expansion of his ribcage. "Yeah. Me too."

If Eureka's residents ever realized the people responsible for their first line of defense against possible disaster were such wrecks, they'd freak out. Fargo alone would have a meltdown of epic proportions.

Then again, he was aware of Jack's beer and cereal depression.

On the TV, James Bond chased after a bad guy, smashing and jumping his way through a construction site and generally being awesome. She smiled a little, thinking she and Carter were kind of like Eureka's version of Bond, but two people instead of one. It made their weekly insane adventures seem a lot more fun and cool instead of terrifying and annoying.

She wasn't going to wear a Bond-girl bikini, though. It went against her principals to contribute to the further objectification of women.

Jack could wear as suit like James's little blue number though.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Oh, no reason," she said, hoping fervently that they wouldn't be called into work on an emergency that night. A beer buzz, an internal emotional train wreck and the potential need to use high caliber weapons was never a good mix.

TBC…


End file.
